By Lynda Collins *
I. INTRODUCTION
Until regulators start licensing chatbots to practice law, we will all need to contend with the reality that every lawyer is first and foremost a human being. And as scientific studies have told us again and again: “human beings need nutrition, we need exercise, we need purpose, and we need each other.”[i] In other words, lawyers need love. Unfortunately, both the culture and structures of legal practice, particularly in private practice, can undermine relationships, leaving lawyers vulnerable to mental and physical illness, and unable to realize their full potential as people or professionals. This blog is a call to action in the midst of a documented mental health crisis affecting a large proportion of the profession,[ii] an unprecedented wave of interest and investment in lawyer well-being,[iii] and a new generation of lawyers who want to practice law in more sustainable ways.[iv] It is time to prioritize social connection as a crucial foundation for the well-being of individual lawyers and the profession as a whole.
II. WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
First, a definitional point: when I refer to “love”, “relationships”, or “social connection”, these terms encompass all forms of relationships including those with friends, family, workmates, romantic partners, and community members. In a hard-driving and highly cerebral profession like law, some might reasonably ask whether there is even a place for discussions of love, friendship, community, and belonging. Indeed, in some organizations, the suggestion that business practices should be reoriented to account for these crucial human needs might be met with skepticism or even outright hostility. Still, it’s a conversation that needs to happen, at a minimum among individual lawyers, and ideally within the profession as a whole. If we hope to realize any of the goals of the myriad of lawyer well-being initiatives currently in place across the profession, we will need to accord top priority to supporting lawyers’ relationships. Why? Frequent positive social interactions have been shown to be the most important determinant of human happiness and are also critically important for physical health, mental and physical resilience, and longevity.[v]
A. Good Relationships Improve Physical Health and Increase Longevity
The sense of belonging and social support provided by frequent, warm interactions with those you care about (and even strangers)[vi] is profoundly beneficial to physical health. Maintaining your “social fitness”[vii] may be even more important than the choices you make about food, exercise, and the like. As one researcher has explained, “[S]ocial isolation and loneliness are viewed as risk factors that outpace common behavioural risk factors such as smoking, poor diet, lack of exercise and obesity.”[viii] In fact, the physical impact of social connection is so strong that it has been shown to increase lifespans. In a large meta-analysis involving more than 300,000 research subjects, “the mortality rate of individuals with the fewest [social] ties was between 2.3 (men) and 2.8 (women) times higher than that of individuals with the most ties.”[ix]
Not only does social connection reduce the risk of physical illness and premature mortality, but it also improves resilience or the ability to “bounce back” from both physical and mental health challenges.[x] In one particularly striking study among women with breast cancer, those “who had ten or more friends were four times more likely to survive than women who had no close friends.”[xi] In sum, if you want to be a healthy lawyer capable of maintaining a thriving practice over the long term, you should move social connection to the top of your to-do list.
B. Good Relationships are the Single Most Important Determinant of Human Happiness
Importantly, research shows that good relationships far outstrip any external measure of success (income, prestige, etc.) as determinants of happiness.[xii] In fact, the former director of the longest-running study of human happiness (which has traced its subjects for more than eight decades, collecting countless data points and assessing myriad factors) has said that the secret to happiness can be summed up in one word: love.[xiii] Lawrence Krieger and Kennon Sheldon’s breakthrough empirical study “What Makes Lawyers Happy? A Data-Driven Prescription to Redefine Professional Success” confirms that this observation applies equally well to lawyers. The study found an exceptionally strong correlation between social connection (or “relatedness” Krieger and Sheldon call it) and lawyer well-being.[xiv] On the flip side, living a life devoid of human connection poses serious mental health risks for lawyers. In one study, lawyers who screened as lonely on the UCLA loneliness scale were 2.8 times more likely to endorse suicidality than lawyers who did not screen as lonely.[xv] In sum, a strong network of warm relationships will protect your mental health, minimize the risk of burnout, and make you a better lawyer.
III. IS LAW LOVE’S KRYPTONITE?
First, despite the dire picture of lawyer unhappiness, we all know that many lawyers are happy within the profession and have rich relational lives. However, too many lawyers are sacrificing their relationships for the sake of professional “success”.[xvi] The reason? Whether it’s a happy marriage, a rich network of friendships, a rewarding relationship with workmates, or even a one-off positive interaction with someone in your neighbourhood, healthy relationships require at least three essential ingredients: time, attention, and goodwill—all of which are challenged by conventional legal practice.
A. Legal Practice as a Time Thief
The contemporary practice of law in many (not all) firms involves an almost complete monopoly on waking hours, and even some of the hours that should be devoted to sleep. The inability to have dinner with one’s children, go for a hike with a close friend, or take one’s grandmother to an important medical appointment all add up to a lonelier life. Over time, the work-life conflict that conventional legal schedules induce can lead to atrophy in both the quantity and quality of social relationships. Indeed, the experience of time scarcity is so severe in the legal profession that some young lawyers who want to have a family are afraid to start one. One study found that “70.7 percent of respondents with a billable hours target of between 1,200 and 1,800 hours per year were afraid of starting a family, and this proportion rose to 81.5 percent among professionals who were required to complete over 1,800 billable hours.”[xvii]
B. Legal Practice as a Source of Chronic Distraction
Good relationships require not only time but also attention: “[m]ere presence is not enough”.[xviii] Because of the intensity and importance of their work, lawyers may have difficulty letting go of work and shifting focus to their personal interactions. Some firms have an expectation of practically constant availability, causing lawyers to feel that they need to check work e-mails frequently even during “off hours” at home, siphoning attention from the people they love. For those who are working in emotionally demanding fields (e.g., child protection law, refugee law, family law) or particularly high-stress work environments (e.g., those with toxic bosses), it may be even more challenging to give the gift of attentiveness to loved ones.
C. Legal Practice as a Challenge to Goodwill
Goodwill can be defined as “[k]indly, friendly feelings or helpful attitude towards another person […]”[xix] Almost by definition, one can see that it would be impossible to maintain any warm, positive relationship without this key ingredient. Because legal practice can give rise to toxic levels of stress, practising law can undermine positive emotions and attitudes. The unfortunate prevalence of incivility in the legal profession is a testament to the negative impacts of work-related stress on lawyers’ interactions with others.[xx] Moreover, the habits of thought known as “thinking like a lawyer” are generally unhelpful in relationships as they can lead to a generalized tendency towards scepticism, pessimism, and criticism.[xxi]
Taken together, law’s impact on time, attention, and goodwill can be a major detriment to lawyers’ relationships, but clear pathways exist to change this equation.
IV. CONCLUSION: PUTTING LOVE ON THE LEGAL AGENDA
For firms, centering relationships in policies and practices that support lawyer well-being will require structural changes to allow some or all members of the firm to choose lighter schedules in exchange for lower pay. (Some firms have even moved to a four-day work week without necessarily reducing pay.)[xxii] Firms might also consider options like on-site childcare and flex-time. In-house courses in emotional intelligence and stress management would help lawyers to become aware of their feelings, improve attentiveness in all relationships, and minimize the transfer of work stress to the home environment. Since good relationships at work are also highly significant for both happiness and job satisfaction, cultivating a positive, respectful, and cooperative work culture is also a key project at the firm level.
For individual lawyers, prioritizing relationships first requires a frank and fearless reflection on your social fitness. How are your relationships doing? Have you dropped good friends because you simply don’t have time to see them? Do you bring work stress home, creating conflict with your partner? If you have children, do you have time to be actively engaged in their lives? Are you distracted when spending time with friends and family? Do you feel the need (or compulsion) to check work e-mails during family dinners or vacations? If your legal life is making it impossible to cultivate love in your life, it might be time for a change. Fortunately, there are many ways to approach a legal career,always bearing in mind that this is your life, and you deserve to thrive.[xxiii]
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* Lynda Collins is a Full Professor, uOttawa Faculty of Law, Common Law Section; author of How to Succeed (and Stay Human) in Law School (Toronto: Emond, 2025).
[i] Robert Waldinger & Marc Schulz, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2023) at 29.
[ii] Nathalie Cadieux et al, Towards a Healthy and Sustainable Practice of Law in Canada. National Study on Health Determinants of Legal Professionals in Canada, Phase I (2020-2022) (Sherbrooke, QC: Université de Sherbrooke, 2022).
[iii] See e.g. Canadian Bar Association, “CBA Well-Being”, online (webpage): <cba.org/our-impact/initiatives/well-being/>.
[iv] See e.g. Lydia Bleasdale & Andrew Francis, “Great Expectations: Millennial Lawyers and the Structures of Contemporary Legal Practice” (2020) 40:3 LS 376.
[v] See generally Julianne Holt-Lundstad, “Social Connection as a Critical Factor for Mental and Physical Health: Evidence, Trends, Challenges, and Future Implications” (2024) 23:3 World Psychiatry 312.
[vi] Gillian M Sandstrom & Elizabeth W Dunn, “Social Interactions and Well-being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties (2014) 40:7 Personality & Soc Psychology Bull 910.
[vii] Waldinger & Shulz, supra note i at 86 (introducing the massively important concept of social fitness and why it’s just as crucial as physical fitness).
[viii] Meg Jordan, “The Power of Connection: Self-Care Strategies of Social Well-Being” (2023) 31 J Interprofessional Education & Practice 100586 at 1.
[ix] Waldinger & Shulz, supra note i at 47, citing Julianne Holt-Lundstad, Timothy B Smith & J Bradley Layton, “Social Relationships and Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review” (2010) 7:7 PLoS Medicine e1000316. See also Julianne Holt-Lundstad et al, “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review” (2015) 10:2 Perspectives on Psychological Science 227.
[x] See e.g. Ian H Stanley et al, “Perceptions of Belongingness and Social Support Attenuate PTSD Symptom Severity Among Firefighters: A Multi-Study Investigation” (2019) 16:4 Psychological Services 543.
[xi] Waldinger & Shulz, supra note i at 256, citing Candyce H Kroenke et al, “Social Networks, Social Support and Survival After Breast Cancer Diagnosis” (2006) 24:7 J Clinical Oncology 1105. See also Ian H Stanley, supra note x.
[xii] See e.g. Lawrence S Krieger & Kennon M Sheldon, “What Makes Lawyers Happy? A Data-Driven Prescription to Re-Define Professional Success” (2015) 83 Geo Wash L Rev 554 at 554–560.
[xiii] George E Vaillant, “Yes, I Stand by My Words, ‘Happiness Equals Love – Full Stop’” (16 July 2009), online (blog): <positivepsychologynews.com/news/george-vaillant/200907163163>.
[xiv] Krieger & Sheldon, supra note xii at 579.
[xv] Patrick R Krill et al, “Stressed, Lonely, and Overcommitted: Predictors of Lawyer Suicide Risk” (2023) 11:4 Healthcare 536 at 8.
[xvi] Conversely, too many lawyers—especially those who identify as women—have been driven to give up their legal careers in order to take care of their most important relationships (see Justin Anker & Patrick R Krill, “Stress, Drink, Leave: An Examination of Gender-Specific Risk Factors for Mental Health Problems and Attrition Among Licensed Attorneys” (2021) 16:5 PLoS One e0250563.
[xvii] Cadieux et al, supra note ii at 353.
[xviii] Heidi S Kane et al, “Mere Presence Is Not Enough: Responsive Support in a Virtual World” (2012) 48:1 J Experimental Psychology 37 at 37.
[xix] Michael Proffitt, Oxford English Dictionary, (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2025) sub verbo “goodwill”, online: <oed.com/dictionary/goodwill_n?tab=meaning_and_use-paywall#2872835>.
[xx] Julie Sobowale, “Experience of incivility pervasive among Ontario lawyers: Toronto Lawyers Association survey” (13 Dec 2023), online (blog): <lawtimesnews.com/resources/professional-regulation/experience-of-incivility-pervasive-for-ontario-lawyers-toronto-lawyers-association-survey/382235>.
[xxi] See generally Lynda Collins, How to Succeed (and Stay Human) in Law School (Toronto: Emond Montgomery, 2025) at 67–68.
[xxii] See e.g. Leena Yousefi, “The 4 Day Work Week at My Law Firm & Why it Makes Sense” (10 February 2010), online (blog): <ylaw.ca/blog/4-day-work-week-law-firm-ylaw-makes-sense-ylaw/>.
[xxiii] See e.g. Not Your Average Law Job, “We Don’t do Average”, online (website): <notaveragelaw.com>.